Various TV Movies

I love cheese.  I really do.  And for the fromage connosieur there really is no better source than 1970's tv movies.  Here are three I watched this week.

McMillan & Wife
The pilot to the long-running series starring Rock Hudson (sporting a big Magnum moustache) and Susan St James (she's kooky!)  This has a lovely pah-pah-pah-pah easy-listening Girl From Ipanaema type theme tune cut against scenes of Rock being macho and Susan being adorable.  But what a pleasant surprise the film was!  The two stars are very appealing and they have a Nick and Nora* or Jonathan & Jennifer** type vibe thing going on.  The mystery involves the theft of the sarcophagus of Caesarion, and subsequent murders - but it's really just an excuse for some back-and-forth banter, a bit of action and lots of chaps in cravattes and blazers.  If you're a fan of Columbo or Hart to Hart, you'll like this - 7/10

* The Thin Man
** Hart to Hart.  Oh come on, you must remember that one.

The Six Million Dollar Man
I watched this with fond memories.  The music!  The titles!  ("We can rebuild him... we have the technology...") Those tch-tch-tch-tch-tch sound effects!

And NONE of the above is in the film!  Nothing!  Plus, also, and - Steve Austin (Lee Majors) is SUCH A WHINER.  I didn't remember that at all!  There's way too much guff about him being a "Frankenstein's Monster" and him sulking about having superpowers.  Why, just think of all the things I could do with x-ray vision!  Or perhaps you'd better not.

Good support from Martin Balsam (as Rudy, the doctor) and Darren McGavin (from "The Night Stalker" - another 70's gem) but Lee Majors is a HORRIBLE actor.  Just HORRIBLE.  He's sort of like a cross between Elvis Presley and a constipated dog.  The action (when it finally came) was okay, but I did miss those sound effects.  And him running fast just looked silly, like "Yakkity Sax" should have been playing in the background or something.  2/10

Fantasy Island
Was a bit rubbish, but I enjoyed it still.  The story, if you are too young to know, is that every week three very very rich guests would come to Fantasy Island to live our their wildest fantasies.  But before you get excited, there was none of that kinky stuff.  This was the 1970's before tv had become corrupted by Dynasty & Dallas.

The guests were always greeted by Mr. Rourke (Ricardo Montalban) and Tatto (Herve Villechaize).  And Ricardo is really the sole reason I enjoyed the show.  His acting style is Shatnerian in delivery - and his Rourke is something of a mystery.  Is he a magician?  An angel?  Or the devil?  Certainly he seems rather sinister - "Weeeelcome to Fantah-see Island," he beams.  Then adds, "Weeeeelcome indeeeeeeeed."  No-one can drag out a vowel like our Rick.

The three stories range from rubbish (Bill Bixby relives a wartime romance) to cheesy (a rich woman gets to spy on guests at her own funeral) to deeply silly (a famous safari hunter gets to become THE HUNTED).  The last story was definitely the best, as the hunter tries to evade men in safari jackets while handcuffed to a young Victoria Principal.

One of those things I probably enjoy for the wrong reasons, I can't in all honesty recommend Fantasy Island to anyone.  Oh well.  All aboard The Love Boat anyone?  5/10