Useless Desires

Anyone who knows me knows that the surest way to measure my mood is to ask me what the current song on repeat is. That's the one that was on repeat when I was leaving Waco after 10 years. I once took this intensive personality test which said that the music that I was listening to was so relevant to me that I would rather have silence than listen to something that didn't fit. I am not sure that there was ever a more accurate assessment of me. I am also not sure what it says that nothing seems to fit right now, which only seems to be aggravating me more. Well, that and the infestation of fruit flies in Berlin. Both. They are both aggravating me.

I am also not sure that normal people get such a sense of accomplishment out of showering. That was this morning's revelation. That daily as I exit the shower I think to myself, WAY TO GO! I never, ever claimed to be normal.

This collection sits in my foyer. I live in two worlds. The one where all these people are, and the one I am in. My heart lives all over the world and sometimes it's hard to feel at home anywhere, because home is where your heart is right? I've really been wrestling with that lately. As I walked to the shower this morning I read the top left note, that my dear Sarah gave me when I left Waco, with a beloved peacock feather (I am fascinated by the beauty of peacocks, especially white ones) and it says, "To the moon and back. May your soul be a ship bound for all ports. To the death of boredom." It's paper is soft now from how many times I held it, read it, cried on it. Liferaft wrote a good one too... he left it for me to read on the plane, knowing how entertained he would be imagining me attempt to choke back sobs so as to not frighten other passengers...

To the death of boredom... To the death of boredom... To the death of boredom. Something about that rings so deep in me. It sits in harmony with Patty singing Useless Desires. But on my Facebook quote wall is one of my favorite quotes of all time, it's mine, "Why doesn't anyone ever tell you how hard it is to live your dreams?"
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Key to my heart:

To the death of boredom, Greatest Card in the world from Maggie, Liferaft and me dancing in Fayetville, Maggie, My Beloved Cousins at a one of their weddings that I missed, Most Beautiful Flag in the Whole Wide World.

The love of my life - my Uncle, The Fam, Greatest Card in the world from my Uncle.

Manda, Beks, Mimes, my aunt, and me - Mimes' 1st Marathon - Austin, Beks and me - Houston Rodeo, James Holden Me & Dawn, Stephen & Me - top of the Met.

My favorite statue in Berlin, Bella Buns, J and me, Mimes and Me, My favorite thing Mother Teresa ever said.