Sad

Started with angry words with OH (who was chatting and showing holiday snaps to SIL who had called in on her way to the home) while I was peeling potatoes, veg and getting a roast ready for eight!!  However after apologies we worked together to get everything ready for 12.30 when No.2 was due to arrive.  A phone call later and everything delayed as his car had broken down, AA joined and called, tow truck to bring it back to Kent and potentially a new engine (or a new car!!). FFS why now?

Vicky and Peter and James arrived and lunch took place and SIL also came back after the home visit.  Chat and laughter and sadness and tears and no Aimee.  James seems lost and very quiet and there is nothing I can do or say to make anything better.  I realised that this was the first time he has been back to Kent since Aimee died - must have been so hard for him.  

We can all think and say the normal platitudes like time healing, and Aimee not wanting us to be sad but, but, but..........I don't want to be talking about IHT or probate or places to spread her ashes, I want her here with us, vibrant and alive and laughing and joking and giving me a hug and me telling her I love her HUMONGOUS amounts.  She used to say 'I love you' and I would always say 'I love you MORE'......... pain in grief because of the amount we loved.  Sad, sad, sad.

Another day done