Passing

Past lives

Only connect … Forster 

I had been wondering about two people who I used to know …

One who I used to work with. 

I was conscious that he was no longer listed on the organisation website and so I thought I’d try and delve a bit to see where he was/how he was doing.
I soon learned that he had died April last year after a long illness.
I knew he was diabetic but this came as a shock. He was a fair bit younger than me but I had no inkling (and the mycelium of connections of this place go far and wide so things usually filter through). 
I wonder if his parents are still alive. He always told me that his mum was eternally grateful to me because she thought that I had saved his life many years ago when he was in his 20’s. 
It had been a long and arduous day at work and he was becoming increasingly stressed and short tempered. I suggested he took his glucose tablets and finished off for the day. He was belligerent but did concede and ate the glucose tablet and was soon back to his cheerful chappie self (he was always that usually, when not stressed). He went back to his cottage  nearby. After I finished work I thought I’d pop round and see how he was but there was no answer when I knocked. I went round the back and had a look through the kitchen window and could just make out that he was lying on the living room floor. I prised the old, and exceptionally narrow, window open and called through but he was clearly unconscious. I scrambled up the stone wall and slithered in (pretty sure I wouldn’t be narrow enough to fit now), fell in the kitchen sink, and then used the landline (no mobiles then) to call an ambulance and made up some sugary water to put on his lips. The ambulance came and he was soon fine again and we spent many more years working together. He saw me through my years with G, G’s illness and death … always kind and thoughtful… and then years on,  welcoming P … the two of them enjoying their history chats and then having a fine time at our wedding. 
The contact had faded over the years to Christmas cards and I was aware that had stopped and I thought it was because I’d moved house and time had moved on as well but now realise why and wonder how it was for him.

The other … 

Having learnt this I went on to check someone else (again, all of us interconnected like mycelium) that I had known and been wondering about ever since I had belatedly found out that her husband had died in 2020. I had been shocked to discover his death and upset no-one had thought to tell me as we had been closely connected through work (and other connections) over many years previously but I also realise that others might not have realised or understood that sense of connection (and after all, we hadn’t maintained it … but it wasn’t that sort of connection… it was one of those hard to define ones … a longer discourse there to be had … Martin Buber, etc).

After finding out he had died I have occasionally wondered about calling in but not really felt I’ve known her well enough but have also regarded her as someone so vibrant, social, artistic and incredibly resourceful that I had imagined her engaging fully with life as I’m sure she did and with the family and community.
So it has come as a shock to discover that she too died last year. I thought it must have been illness but have been shocked to learn she took her own life.
I don’t know the circumstances but I do wish I had gone to see her.
I wonder how she had really been doing after the loss of her husband who was such a lovely man.
I would have loved to have told her the story of her husband and the time I had introduced him to my father. And there’s a longer story there that I would have loved her to have known.