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I haven't been updating my journal recently for a number of reasons. The main one is that I remain trapped outside of the Gaza Strip. The situation in Cairo and the Sinai desert becomes increasingly dangerous. The six-hour journey through the Sinai to the Rafah border would be risky, to say the least. Friends and colleagues from Gaza, who are used to the journey, told me that they have never felt as nervous on the journey as they have in recent months.

Furthermore, the Rafah border between Egypt and Gaza is unpredictable at best. A friend of mine from Gaza, Yousef Aljamal, wrote of his personal experience trying to reenter Gaza through Egypt earlier in July. He is a committed human rights defender and was returning from a speaking tour in New Zealand but was deported from Egypt to Malaysia. His experience is, sadly, not unique amongst Palestinians.

The Egyptians are tightly controlling the movement of people in and out of Gaza. Every time I have travelled there, I have relied on six different committees of the Egyptian government, military, and intelligence to grant me permission to cross the border.

The chances of getting permission to cross at the moment, considering the current political turmoil in Egypt, are slim to none. As a result, I have lost around €600 worth of flights since June, and I am having little joy from the airline companies in receiving any refunds. It would be madness to book another flight back in such uncertain circumstances.

I have been told to give up hope of going back. My belongings have been packed up and are in storage. I have no idea when I will get back there to collect them and, more importantly, to see my friends and colleagues. I want so much to get back there soon so I can take my leave of the place properly. My time there feels unfinished.

Thus, here I am. In Cork. Feeling lost, useless, frustrated, impotent. I began this journal to share photographs of my experience in the Gaza Strip and tell the stories of the people I met there. Now, it feels a little pointless.

I'm trying to make a new plan. I'm continuing to work from home as much as I can. I want to set up an Arabic conversation exchange, if possible. I'm thinking of taking a photography course. I want to finally pass my driving test. I need to find a way to make some money. And, ultimately, I need to find a new job. It all feels a bit overwhelming.

In the meantime, I'm doing my best to enjoy the cultural scene in Cork. During the past year, I really missed fulfilling that part of myself so I'm going to gigs, plays, musicals, art galleries, and the cinema as often as my finances will allow. My lovely friend John invited me to join him to see Grease in the Cork Opera House which is where I was off to when I took this photo. It was a fabulous show, and a fun night and dancing and divilment. It's good to keep busy.