Dulcet tones

I'm on my six week holiday... And I'm bored! Yes... I'm told this isn't completely normal, but then this is me! So today... To soothe my boredom I had a McDonalds... It wasn't very nice but it numbed the pain until I could have a glass of wine later on. I must also add, I'm a big believer that no one should have an alcoholic drink before 1pm. Just today... A drunk man told me at half 10 this morning I looked like Paul Weller; well I don't, and where did this fellow get the stamina to be pissed at that time in't morning. Anyway because I'm a big child I got a helium balloon with my lunch. And what do all good fellows do with helium? 'Put it in balloons' I hear you say... WRONG! Swallow it of course! I commenced to do this... But it had no effect on my dulcet tones what so ever. It literally went down like a lead balloon. I was in doldrums the rest of the day as when I previously inhaled helium, I was presented with a highly pitched voice! I was pissed though... Ah, that must be it!