As Simple as That?

So, breakfast shenanigans continued this morning.

After further discussion with Alan last night the decision was to try Weetabix this morning with cold not hot milk. He was very definite about the temperature of the milk!

When he came through to the kitchen this morning, the Weetabix was all ready to go, with a large spoonful or three of sugar thrown in to make it a bit more appealing the things you do to get your kid to eat!

He smiled at the bowl but as soon as I lifted the spoon even a tiny bit towards him, his arms were waving about and his head was turned so far in the other direction it was almost back to where it started!

I tried all my usual tricks learned over 17 years of persuading this boy to eat but nothing worked. I remembered years ago a Speech Therapist telling us that if you’re not happy to touch a foodstuff with your hand, you’re never going to put it in your mouth, so I put my finger in the bowl and licked the Weetabix off then asked Alan if he wanted to put his finger in the bowl. He looked hesitant but not averse to the idea. I helped him put his finger in the bowl. The expression on his face was priceless, like he’d just stuck his hand into the middle a steaming hot cow pat! But despite getting this far, he point blank refused to put it anywhere near his mouth.

I could feel my frustrations rising. That tight feeling in the pit of my stomach as I know he’s going to end up going out to school with no breakfast and knowing he won’t eat lunch there and how horrible that must be for him yet his breakfast is there and I know it’s something he could manage and would like, IF ONLY HE’D EAT THE DAMN THING!

Defeated I shoved the plate away and we looked at each other, both sad.

Thinking aloud I found myself saying in exasperation, almost to myself, “Why won’t you eat it Alan? Do you think it will taste horrible?” I noticed a quick flick of his eyes down to the left, one of Alan’s ways of saying no. I wasn’t expecting an answer! I’m onto something here I thought. Not sure what, but something.

“Ok, so you don’t think it would taste horrible. Do you think it would taste nice?” A quick flick of his eyes down to the right, one of his ways of saying yes.

Do you think if you ate it you would like it?
Yes.
Do you want to eat it?
Yes.
But something’s stopping you?
Yes
Are you worried about eating it?
Yes
Are you worried something bad would happen if you ate it?
Yes
Are you worried you would choke?
YES!

Big yes response….right hand lifted up and down as well as eyes looking to the right and a smile.

So let me see if I’ve got this right, the reason you won’t eat this Weetabix is you’re scared you will choke?
Yes

And is this also the reason you won’t try new food or eat for anyone else apart from me and dad, because you’re scared you will choke”
Yes

Stunned silence from me.

Aware that time was running out and his school lift was due any minute, I gave him a huge hug and asked him if we could talk about this more this evening with his Dad. Yes again.

And off he went to school smiling his usual smile, whilst I sat at the kitchen table wondering if, after all this time, all the worry and stress over his eating habits, the videofluroscopies to check his swallow reflex, the psychological input to try and help us understand his rigid behaviours around food and who he will let feed him, all the strategies and tricks to get him to eat and all the battles fought over food……does it really come down to something as simple as my boy being scared he’ll choke?

I mean choking is a hazard for people with cerebral palsy, but not one that Alan’s had bother with as we’ve always made sure his food was soft, moist, chopped small……but we never reckoned on the fear of choking to still be there. How bloody obvious!

I really am stunned. And a little heartbroken at how horrendous it is for him that for years we’ve been asking all the wrong questions and it’s taken till now for us to get some clue to the reason behind it all.

But now we know. And we’ll talk. And I know it won’t be resolved overnight. In fact I suspect it will take a very long time. But at least now we have an understanding. It’s a start and I will move heaven and earth to help him.



Today’s blip is the third outing this month for this little seed head and it may not be the last. It's such fun to photograph.

I guess I could call it a series ;))

Seed head 1
Seedhead 2