pray tarry, mighty metal travel-worm

To any gentlemen intending to leave it until the last minute before boarding their train:
Do not attempt to vault a barrier if...
a: there are pointy bicycles in your intended landing zone,
b: you're not really wearing shoes suitable for moving quickly,
c: your trousers are not properly fastened and not really designed for moving in at all or even really for wearing and
d: you haven't the faintest idea how to perform a simple vault over a simple 1.2m sturdily-mounted barrier probably because you were skiving off PE at school to sneak into town to look in fashionable clothing emporia instead.
Especially not when people with cameras are walking past.
Unfortunately I didn't catch the initial vault-attempt as I was trying not to laugh after he'd slid down and fallen on his arse but this secondary attempt (even more doomed than the first as at least he'd had some momentum then) almost rivals Gallery Stance Girl for buttock-posture indignity.

We're through in Ayr this weekend to start the long process of getting Nicky's mum to realise that we'd much rather save our money on the deposit for a larger home than blow it all on inexplicably expensive fairytale hotel wedding menus with silly titles and sillier dish-flourish-names (Dream of Rob Roy pudding is the best so far). All of the brochurey things in a pile on the sofa contained at least five unsuitablenesses each. What was really fun were the three photographers' price lists left casually in an envelope. If any people who do wedding photography are reading this then please don't be too offended but please try and take it on board that a good picture does not always involve soft-focus vignetting. One of them had some fairly interesting shots and (compared to the others) a reasonable grasp of grammar but was still charging a very silly amount of money.

Off to inspect some potential venues tomorrow. I shall try my best to take it seriously, even if we have to speak to a simpering fool who uses "wonderful" more than thrice in a sentence.