Firsts...

For the longest time I was scared of everything. Going out filled me with fear. Going out somewhere unfamiliar and unknown was a trauma. Doing it alone was simply unimaginable.

I've come a long way since those dark fear filled days. Days punctuated by panic attacks. By tears. By a sense of being trapped in a shrinking world of my own creation.

Today I took the gorgeous M to the city to get her hair cut and coloured. In theory I had two hours - alone - to wander through the shops before I met her to drive her home. I did wander a little, bought Ms birthday gift for Friday. Admired a few things in various windows. Dodged the odd rain shower. Then I took myself to a busy vibrant coffee house I've been to many times before with friends. And there I sat - alone - I drank a hot chocolate, read my book, people watched. And it was, quite simple, wonderful. It was another first to add to my list.

Tomorrow my Girl comes home. I am beside myself with joy.

The rain is pounding the roof of my little hofje. The sound is so familiar that it is strangely reassuring after the summer of blue skies and dry weather. My Kuifje is fast asleep by my side. My book lies open but neglected as I watch her sleep. I am still at times taken by surprise by love. I am learning not to question, just to accept. Not everything has to be explained, justified, broken down, examined. Some things just are. Just because.

Life is good.

xxx