headlights.

missy left today, and then came back. for all the wonders that air transportation offers us it sure seems to screw up a lot. she's here for one more night now and i feel bad the kid got tossed around.

i took this picture after a long walk with bfab. i'm starting to feel the familial fatigue. its not that i want to go back to my apartment and its memories, or the school i so despise - its just that i never get any peace and quiet. the kind two people have when there's no insecurities between them. i don't get that living in this house and its exhausting. so i drove back across the street after our walk tonight with my music blaring and took some shots of my old stomping grounds.

when i stood in the airport earlier, watching the people shuffle through security i was hit with an old familiar emotion. i was reminded of how horrible i am at goodbyes, and what i will do and say to avoid them. i thought about the dream i had last night (prom redux i'll call it) and the boys i've loved. i thought about the many seasons of volleyball i played, and the four years i spent walking to and from the high school that no longer resembles the building we used to call ours. i thought about how while i have started to listen to most of last years music again, i still can't listen to that one song. because there was once a time when i knew a boy that grew into a man i loved and he asked that if nothing else i made sure that song was played if he ever died. i think i was ruined the night it swam out of the car speakers and into the winter air.

so i stood in the grass tonight and thought about what i miss now. for just a moment, i excused the fact that i'm not allowed to feel this way about these people and those places anymore, and sunk into the sweet memories that i carry every day.

i hope the evening where you are was as glorious as ours.