Comeback

Maud: Pud?

Pud: Yeah?

Maud: Things have changed...

Pud: Good news and bad news I'm afraid...

Maud: Yeah?

Pud: Yeah.

Pause, stretching out a bit uncomfortably

Maud: You going to tell me then?

Pud: What?

Maud: The good news? And the bad news?

Pud: You're supposed to say which you'd like first?

Maud: You're supposed to do that. You're supposed to say do you want the good news or the bad news?

Pud: Am I?

Maud: yep

Pause, almost uncomfortably long.

Maud: I'll have the bad news, then.

Pud: The bad news is your permanent fixture/hot water bottle also known as aprecious has left the building.... I saw her in her car heading off

Maud: And the good news?

Pud: Well, while the cats away...

Maud: She's a cat? I thought you were a...

She looks at him...

Pud: The mice will play!

Maud:We have mice?

Pause

Maud: She's not going to like that!

Pud sighs.

In fact, I went back to work yesterday, but today I felt like myself! Hurrah. Thank you for your concern. I have a probably a bit unPC good news and bad news joke. The easily offended should look away now.

Doctor: Do you want the good news or the bad news?

Patient: The bad news?

Doctor: We've amputated the wrong leg!

Patient: And the good news?

Doctor: The man in the next bed would like to buy your slippers!