as i sped to my friends house tonight the sun started to set and i realized i wasn't sure why i had asked for this back. i guess if you're real nosy you'll zoom in on the names but i advise that you don't - these blips are all in the mystique i think. an incredible weight fell over me once it was in my car and when i realized i hadn't brought it inside yet i quickly ran so as to not get caught. although for what i cannot be sure. its just a box. i think i once wrote that we're all just running to keep up, but in this case i feel like i've spent the last year running backwards on a conveyor belt crying i'm not ready yet to anyone who'd listen. i didn't cry or get angry tonight though - i was merely curious. my most favorite piece of jewelery is in this box and when i put it back on i felt like i had disturbed the memories i'd locked away in there. some day i hope to make an account of all my misgivings, disappointments and letdowns in a way that will make my life appear to be much more interesting than it has been. this box, with all of its charm is wrought with memories that now feel like the dreams of a girl i used to know. so i put everything back in its place and hid it away until next time. this has become my gauge for being okay. lets see if she can open the box today.