A day to mourn

Death... its a word that we are all acquainted with.

It's the ultimate form of healing and yet the greatest form of loss.

It leaves us speechless, creates a pit in the bottom of our stomachs that resides there.. sometimes for weeks, months after it's had it's toll. We can forget it for a moment, then our tongue gets stuck to the roof of our mouth, it returns and its sharp in its intensity and brutal in its execution.

It brings about a myriad of emotions that often leave us confounded and confused and yet... and yet.

It brings a perspective on life that also catches us by surprise.

It is not only a healer for the person gone, no more fear, no more pain, no more tears.. it often serves a dual purpose of waking us up too. It reminds us of our finiteness. We have maybe 80-85 years on this ball of Earth and how we live it is up to us.

Money fades, fancy cars die (though they are very sexy for the moment), sex fails, and we lose.. we lose the things we think we need, because we find in the end they are empty. People are the exception. You touch a life once and you've changed it forever.

today was a day to mourn. My grandmother died in the wee hours of the morning for me.
Her life, her time, her wave hit the sand and then passed on.

I can conjer up in my mind what I felt she believed and therefore the place I think she is, but in the end that was up to her and her creator alone. My tears fall down my face, making my eyes sting, my heart ache and my stomach nauseous. A myriad of emotions runs through my heart, one of which is a numbing sense of pain, one of which feels like someone punched me hard in the stomach and another just a deep sense of: This just isn't right.. We weren't created to lose the ones we love.

Time will go on, it marches on to a tune all its own, but today, this moment I find it stopping and leaving me speechless as I drop to my knees and mourn. Tomorrow is a new day with its own problems, its own sense of unparallelled uniqueness, but Today.. today is a day I mourn and rest and wait for the hope that is Anchored in the one thing that never changes.


Grandma, you were to me so special. Funny how the last lucid conversation was with me, just as it was with Pop Pop. I will forever treasure the memories of spending time with you, laughing with you, cooking with you and just being. You smile is engrained in my memory and my heart aches with the loss of you. I rejoice in the fact that I will one day see you again and you reside in the place that haunts my dreams. Today.. Today you are free from what entangled you, and i look forward to getting to know you in that place to. I love you and I pray that our Father whispers that in your ear today and that you find the rest you've always sought, you are the person you were intended to be as you step into paradise.