Being Individual

Lately I've been asking the same question repeatedly: 'is that it?' I think it's a 40-something 'thing' - is this more or less what my life is going to amount to? Is this the sum total of my career, how I'm going to be feeling normally, the apex of my achievement? Is managing repetition and accepting the mundane really the success I've been told all my life that it is?

Maybe the question has a flawed premise - maybe I need to keep cultivating more space in which to enjoy simply being, and not having to navigate existence so completely with my thinking mind. Most thoughts after all are garbage, and it's quite paradoxical that we're conditioned to believe them so totally. It's a triumph against the odds that any of us is alive at all, so why is it so hard sometimes just to enjoy for what it is?