001-365. 'Angel'

Hello everyone!!

So, here I go on my Journey!! First off, a little background, and why I am doing this.

I am a 37 year old Network engineer, and I live in Derby, UK with my partner Charlotte, and our two children, Alexandria (12) and Joseph (5 and 11/12ths!!). Originally from deepest Norfolk, I moved to Derby in 1995, and never left!!

18 months ago, I was diagnosed with severe depression, OCD and anxiety. I went through several months of CBT therapy (finished that in April this year), and am now on anti-depressants, something I didn't really want to do, but actually seem to be doing some good I think. To sum it up, work has caused me nearly 3 years of stress, with 'at risk' letters coming in each quarter, and no support from management - you know the story! I know most people deal with this, but I seemed to have reached a breaking point, which resulted in a nervous breakdown of sorts. I won't go into details, but it was a very dark time.

All through this, and as part of my CBT I was encouraged to do things I used to enjoy before, and try and find some time for myself. I put myself in a bubble - not wanting to go out from home, not socialising with friends, and not pursuing any of my hobbies. I just didn't want too. I felt safe in my bubble, and didn't want to leave. I forced myself to go to a party with my other half earlier this year, but left early as I was physically sick. I still haven't been out with my camera 'properly' for a year or more.

To cap it all off, on October 5th this year, my mum passed away after a very short 3 month battle with cancer. I was very close to my mum (my dad and I have not spoken in 23 years, despite my efforts), and losing her has devastated me and my immediate family. My partner has been hugely supportive, and I would not have got through the last 18/24 months without her. I thank my lucky stars I have her. I am still grieving, and undoubtedly will be for some time to come. I am having difficulty accepting what’s happened, and am puzzled that I have only cried once since her funeral 8 weeks ago.

I now need to get my life back on track. Taking the first step is difficult, and the last 8 weeks have really tested me. However, I need to start, and now is the time! So, I have made the first steps already. I have been clearing out my photo folders on my HD's. So far deleted about 1500 images, none of which I, or anyone else will miss. Obviously not the family ones, but early landscapes, and my other 'experiments' etc!!

I have signed up to Blipfoto, and want to try and complete a Project 365. Many people say don't force yourself into things, but part of the CBT i did was to MAKE myself do these things, and then the enjoyment will return in time.

This first image, 'Angel' is a little bit symbolic. I see it as me dear old mum, watching over us this Christmas!

Sorry to have rambled on - as I said, I needed to say this, and here seemed a good a place as any.

Thanks for reading guys and gals,