cheers to sammy

my dog of 12 years died today.

i am actually, really sad.

im mourning the loss of my childhood. of purity and innocence. of something enduring and untainted as could live in another, even if it is an animal.

i am surprised by how much this reality is causing me to consider the nature of death. that things just...expire. that a spirit very much alive and very real should suddenly no longer exist. its sad. its so sad to me. i understand that the loss of human being is much more difficult, i don't diminish that. but its the same idea. something exists, and then it doesnt. how horrifying really.

i guess the thing with an animal too is that its so innocent. it lives a happy and content life of loving and being loved - i suppose the way we all try to live. seems like a loss of something good and beautiful.

im not trying to be dramatic. anyone who knows me knows i dont much care for pets. but nonetheless.

i guess i feel like so much of me and of my past is entangled in my childhood home and teenage home. i guess sammy has been the ever constant reality to all the change. i dont know. im sounding dramatic.

i digress.

sammy was a great dog. and i shall miss him. and im sad.

toast.