Still, we wait...

Mum has spent the whole day here again. She arrived at about 10:30 and did her usual thing of opening the blinds, flicking the lights on and putting the kettle on.

When she comes, it's time to get up! Last night I struggled to sleep again. When I looked at the clock is was 3:40am.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP! the sound of the IV machine at 6am isn't pleasant. I thought I'd be that used to it by now and would sleep through it.

Today was the first day in the gym since I arrived. It was nice to get out my room and do a bit more exercise.

We only did 10 minutes on the treadmill at a fast walking pace, then 10 minutes on the exercise bike with a bit of resistance and some weighted leg raises to finish. They won't let me do any resisted upper body exercises so the focus is building strength back up in my legs.

The doctor tried to track down the surgeon again today and again was unsuccessful. However he did speak to the transplant surgeon, Dr Venkat. He agreed that surgery is the way forward and that it wouldn't rule out a transplant in the future.

He has asked that I get all the tests done in preparation for a transplant, because with every surgery there are obviously risks. One of the risks is that I won't be strong enough for them to take me off the ventilator and be able to breathe for myself after the operation.

If that happens, ill be top of the transplant list. At least all the tests will have already been done so it saves a lot of time.

It scares me a lot thinking, once the anaesthetic goes in and I go to sleep, I haven't a clue what is going to happen. I'm scared that because I've waited so long, the amount of scar tissue that has built up around my lung will prevent the surgeon being able to stick my lung back up. If that happens I think I will be put on the transplant list and kept on a ventilator until a pair become available.

I won't know what is going on. I could wake up with a new set of lungs. I don't know how long I'll be on the ventilator for.. it could be days or weeks. All that time my family will be going through so much stress and panic, that's what worries me most.

Not much of that probably makes sense. There's so much going through my head it's hard writing it all down, in order and with correct grammar and punctuation.

I've got many questions to ask the surgeon when he finally decides to show his face.

Tomorrow is "ward round "(explained in my second blip) The doctor said he will try again to get in touch with the surgeon. I can't fault his efforts for trying. I just can't understand why this guy is so hard to get hold of!