IVF Journey: 14w2d pregnant

This is my IVF diary. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for four years now, and have a diagnosis of 'unexplained infertility'. We have finally reached the top of the waiting list for IVF - a form of assisted conception. I'm blogging about what happens as it happens, as a kind of therapy for me and as an awareness raising exercise of what IVF is all about.

I woke up this morning feeling completely overwhelmed.

Today is 6th January, the day people go back to work after Christmas.

Everyone told me I’d be better by now, that the nausea would have improved by week 12 and be better by week 14. I didn’t believe them, and I was right, but I take no pleasure in that. I would have loved to have been proved wrong. I planned for me to have been proved wrong. I’ve agreed to do work during this trimester. I’ve made commitments.

So I was planning for best case, and had some hope that I’d be back to normal for a normal work regime from 6th January.

I had intended to get up, get dressed, and go to work in my home office today. Instead I lay in bed in the dark until lunchtime and felt sick, scared and depressed. I couldn’t face it. I couldn’t believe how crap I still felt.

With the support of the husband things all seemed a bit better during the afternoon, and in fact I did go to work in my office for a bit. I was even dressed for it.

But the fact remains that I’m scared and overwhelmed.

I really don’t know how I’m going to cope if this nausea goes on and on.

And I think it will. As I’ve said from the start, I’m pretty sure I’ve got a sensitivity to the pregnancy hormone HCG. And I’ll have that in me until the baby comes out.

I’ve looked at the NICE Guidelines and found out the usual protocol for getting support with my wellbeing during pregnancy, and consequently called my GP to make an appointment (circumventing the midwife, as they’d refer me to a GP anyway). But the first appointment is mid next week, which I took, but it seems so long away. I also emailed a local specialist pregnancy counselling service to see what they might offer, though I’d have to pay for that.