Back to where we started.

What a day.

This morning I had the final test that was needed in preparation for a transplant. The ECHO (echocardiogram) is an ultrasound of my heart. I'm not sure what it measures but it was interesting seeing my heart beating on the screen.

It's been going through my head all day, "one week today!"

Brian and Bobby came again today, it's always great to see them. I still have to pinch myself when I'm sat with them. It's crazy.

Later in the evening one of the nurses came in and told me the surgeon wanted to come and see me. I thought it was a bit odd as it is usually me or the doctors that want to get in contact with him.

Not long after he turned up. He came into my room, sat on my bed and the moment I looked him in the eye I knew something wasn't right. He told me that him and some other senior surgeons had a meeting this morning about me having the surgery.

He was talking for a while, stressing how much of a risk the operation is. He said doing the operation could make me a lot worse than I already am.

"I'm afraid and I know it's hard but I am not willing to take the risk."

I felt my heart sink. I'll be honest.. I did cry. I was absolutely gutted. Yet again I was thinking that I was on my way to recovery and this happens.

I don't blame Mr Jones. He said the other day that it is unknown territory for him, doing the surgery on a CF patient.

I think it was his colleagues that have steered him away from doing it.

I can't really put into words how disappointed I am. I don't know what the plan is now. I don't know what my options are. A few weeks ago doctors were saying surgery will be the last option. So now that isn't going ahead, what now?

I think a transplant is the next step. We all know my lung is knackered and isn't going to heal. Let's get it out and get some news ones in. I can't see what else they can do.

I can't think of anything else to say if I'm honest. Other than there's no point dwelling on it. What's done is done and we move on.

I'm on a journey and was close to the finish line. It's now moved a bit further in front of me, but I will cross it. Just a bit later than I'd hoped.

I'm going to speak to the consultant and ask him to tell me everything that was said during that meeting. I'm also going to try and get the transplant guys to come and see me to talk about my options.

Although I'm in a bad situation, I just keep thinking about the positives that have come out of this. Still being in contact with Brian and Bobby and a number of other opportunities I've been given.