It's all about you, baby

When you've hardly slept all night and been stressed and busy and racked with emotions; when you've taken hours to get around to paying attention to your youngest child because anxiety can get in the way of parenting sometimes; when you've felt too sick to eat or to plan anything or take a walk or even care about exercise or outside or health, and guilt has shaken you down to the lowest denominator...
Then...
... when you've paced and calmed and breathed and drank decaffeinated coffee and allowed a kind husband to make you toast, and eaten and showered and taken time to just be still and think. Then, then, then... Then you just so badly want a quick fix, a sticking plaster, a way to bring immediate light into a dark day.

Then maybe just maybe it's time to jump in the car with your daughter and her Christmas and birthday spending money, and take her off to town to help her buy the laptop she's always wanted. Maybe it's one of those days to say fuck the exercise, fuck the complicated stuff, fuck everything that's not important, fuck the fact that we can't afford it, fuck the fact that it's all we did all day...


Tess plugged in her new laptop and got it started and Googled "sausages".
Fortunately all she found was sausages.

I thought I was spending the evening on my own tonight. Richard had gone to a surf club meeting and Joel was having a sleep-over at friend's after some birthday paintballing. But Joel felt ill and Richard had to go and get him so they were both back by 8.45pm.

Fuck everything but my family.
Fuck it all.