Microscopic achievements

Addition, the next day: I came very close to deleting - or at least heavily editing this this morning. It's now clear to me that I was hormonal last night! But I think it's useful to remember why I feel I'm doing battle against the world sometimes! ...

Most of what I did today would not be apparent to the naked eye. In fact most of what I do most days is not apparent to the naked eye.

I don't sleep from 11pm until 6.30am and then leap out of bed and leave the house some time before 8.45 each day.
I usually wake up several times a night, with my most wide awake times occurring between 3am and 5am. By 6am I am exhausted and do my best deep-sleeping between 6.30 and 8am. Whenever I've had to get up early or chosen to get up early I get quite ill very quickly, and have given up pretending that there's any kind of special holiness or worminess involved in being a smug early-riser. Last winter proved that - and I'm not going back to that hell in a hurry. I need sleep and my life is shit, and I make it shit for those around me, if I don't get enough sleep.

And yet I still struggle with convention and what appears to be socially acceptable. I still feel that everyone thinks the earlier part of the day is somehow better than the latter part of the day, and not getting up early is somehow under-achieving, not pulling one's weight. And leaving the house seems to be more acceptable than not leaving the house - as if that act of putting on smart shoes and walking down the garden path and travelling somewhere is more satisfactory, more effective - outdoes in someway the feet that stay in socks and pad from room to room instead of bus stop to station...


Oh, it's late and I'm tired. My societal whinge can wait.


I finished the VAT return today and faffed* around with a lot of computer and paper work. I made a new printer and a not so new laptop make friends - like a blind date but you know there'll be no sex and no babies. I also had to clean the shop laptop of temporary Internet files and run all sorts of updates and scans because it was a bit neglected and that took hours too.

But I didn't get up early and I didn't leave the house and I spent the day in socks. I guess that makes me unproductive

This evening I spent ages working out how to print photos exactly the size I wanted them so I could give photos of the children to Richard's mother. She's been nagging me for ages for new photos of them all to fit in a 3-part frame I gave her years ago. I used some pictures I'd taken of them all on the beach on Christmas day.
Gemma had taken my camera from me and taken a photo of me too. It's really hideous - I look so old and tired and puffy-faced. I don't mind being my age or even looking my age but looking unwell is depressing.


Our fish and our fishtank went today.

*I can't believe blipfoto isn't recognising the word faffed.