Let Love In

And in no surprise twist of the Universe, we completely lost our internet/TV connection today. So, my roommate & I decided to make it a book night. I finally started reading, "Let Love In", which had been sitting on my nightstand for months. As soon as I read this opening statement, I immediately began to cry. All-of-a-sudden, just like in the movies, right after the climax of the story (yes, I said 'climax', sheesh, where's your head at?), scenes started to replay in my head at super high speed.

"I'll just cheat on you." "I sent that picture to a bunch of people, but you're the only one who turned it into something." "You need to BELIEVE in The Secret." "What do you really want out of this?" "Stop being such a perv!"

Then, it all made sense. I was the one attracting all these thoughts and feelings to myself! I was the one with the walls up. I was the one not letting him in. I was projecting my own shortcomings onto him!

From my very first relationship, I was afraid of being used as "the other woman", being used for sex, or getting involved with a guy who was unavailable. Yet, these deep-rooted fears were exactly what were drawn to me. And I also became the person I was afraid of most. I turned into the unavailable person I was trying to avoid.

One after one, my fears and insecurities became REALITY, in the form of unfaithful, commitment-phobic men. Instead of asking and believing in trust and honesty, I focused on disloyalty and lies. And the Universe heard me. Like attracts like and I was attracting guys just like me!

No wonder he couldn't "feel" anything for me. I was repelling and blocking him. Ultimately, I was also closing myself in.

Two pages into the book, it also talked about "The Law of Attraction". Coincidence? Of course not!