Don't Cry

Seal 'Don't Cry'

I am finding that as I get older my emotional resilience seems to be getting weaker rather than stronger. It seems to take me longer to pick myself up, brush myself down and put on the smile again.

A recent life 'curveball' has left me feeling quite vulnerable and fragile. Now in the grand scheme of themes it is not a matter of life or death nor is it the worse curve ball I have had to deal with. Nonetheless it has had a real impact. When I look in the mirror there is a 'flatness' reflected back at me. This makes me feel sad. For myself and for those around me. Whilst people may call me many things, at times, 'flat' is definitely not one that springs to mind or truly reflects me and what I am about. I seem to have lost that 'sparkle' in my eyes which portrays my passion, childlike enthusiasm, positivity and tiggerish energy for all that is around me.

It feels that a culture of 'blame' has overshadowed what is really at the heart of this curveball. It is interesting to watch how people you know deal with the different curveballs life presents. You can think you know someone and realise that you very much don't. However today I have decided that I cannot control how others react and deal with this curveball but I can control my own reactions. Now is not the time for blame and those other negative feelings associated with it. Blame won't make the situation better or make myself (or others) feel better deep down - instead it just breeds anger, bitterness and mistrust.

Therefore I am going to do what I can to 'sparkle' again internally and externally because that is how I will help myself and help those around me. I am passionate and care deeply about my role within education, constantly striving to make a difference for the children in my care. This doesn't mean I will always get it 100% right all of the time but I never (nor will) give up. I endeavour to reflect and learn from my mistakes although readily admit to a level of stubbornness which can get in the way if allowed.

Tomorrow is a new day and I am not going to 'cry' anymore over this curveball but instead 'flip it' and use it to make me stronger, wiser whilst remembering the many 'positives'. This recent article 'No Words for Leadership or Love; The Five Practices and the Cabecar of Costa Rica' by Justin Featherstone MC certainly very much resonates with my current feelings and I hope that as I continue to develop as a leader I will practice those values which the Cabecar people demonstrate.

This also very much feeds into my personal life where belief and trust takes time, especially when it has been abused in the past. However the past should not determine the future. There are many things that I cannot control and I really have to just trust and believe and enjoy the present instead of worrying about what hasn't happened. It is about remembering my own self worth and what makes me sparkle.