Baby Love...

17 years ago today I returned to work for the first time after having Alan.

Crying as I kissed his sleeping head goodbye, crying as I got into the car and forced myself to fasten my seatbelt and start the engine and crying the whole 25 minute drive to the office. Feeling like the worst mum in the world.

What was I thinking, going back to work, even if it was part time? My baby needed me more than my job did! Administering his medication, the nasogastric feeding, the physiotherapy sessions. How on earth would the Grans cope with all of that?

Well cope they did – admirably - and I am eternally grateful because my returning to work was the best thing for all of us and it taught me early on that sharing Alan’s care didn’t make me a bad mum but that trying to do everything for him, all of the time, would have left him with a pretty exhausted, emotional wreck of a mum.

And it seems fitting that 17 years on from that date, I find myself hand washing a load of Alan’s baby clothes in preparation for passing them onto Marion’s new grandson Lucas Andrew James (born 1st Feb )

When we told my mum she was going to be a gran her knitting needles were out faster than you could say knit one, purl one! I lost count of how many cardigans (or matinee jackets as she called them) hats, mitts, and jumpers she knitted. White, powder blue, pale green and yellow. No pink. She must have known I was carrying a boy.

Anyhoo, over the years I have gradually gotten rid of all of Alan’s baby stuff but have never been able to bring myself to get rid of the baby stuff my mum knitted. So much love in every stitch, it feels like a part of her is in the soft wool. But the time has come to part with some of them :))

Over the course of her daughter Emma’s pregnancy, Marion has had numerous attempts at knitting a little cardigan, hat and mitts, with, and I know she won’t mind me saying this, hilarious results. I have lost count of the times she ripped it all out and started again! I knew she was desperate when she even asked me for help in deciphering the knitting pattern (sadly I haven't inherited any of my mother’s knitting skills). So I have freshened up these little garments to give to Emma for Lucas and look forward to seeing them keeping another gorgeous little boy cosy :))