Mother and Daughter

This photo was taken on December 11, 2011. My daughter Kelsey Grace and me doing what we used to do all of the time, the double-selfie. We always stuck the landing.

I have hundreds of pictures of us from varying distances, edited in varying ways, all with two things in common: there is no denying that this girl who I raised alone with some help from the village, my family, whenever I asked, this girl is mine. Secondly, she is so strikingly beautiful it's jaw dropping.

Today, (Feb 5th), I had an important doctors appointment. It was finally time to establish care with a primary care physician in Los Angeles, and I found the best. I didn't want to go alone, and I felt I wanted my girl. She lives an hour away (if there is no traffic) with her step-father. She agreed to go, I was more pleased than I can tell you. Throughout my medical journey, the thing I have sought even more than a cure, is positive support from my family. She didn't think twice, she only had to check her schedule.

She had someplace to be at 8:00 PM tonight and she worked in the morning. Due to an increase in my meds I was sleeping until the last minute and knew when she got here I'd be rushing to leave. I knew when the long first appt was over she'd be rushing to get back.

I also know that at the moment, I look really bad. Pale, tired, twitching muscles. Bad.

I texted her and told her I thought it was best if she didn't come. I was worried about the traffic and all of the driving. I was worried that I would be a nearly comatose mess, hardly worth spending time with.

We went back and forth about it. She called, I was half asleep.

I was right. Traffic was awful, and I was a mess.

I look at this photo and think of times much simpler than now. I think about the worst problem being that her room was a mess. I miss those problems. I miss waking up and looking in her room to make sure she was safe. I miss taking her to Blue October concerts.
I miss a life I can never get back.

Time marches on and photos remain. Love holds strong when it's that big real love.

Mother and Daughter. The best love. It changes and in many ways it stays the same. She is 21, I am 44. She still calls me "Mama Pajama".