No More Tears

Evening all,

The current Mrs Richardson, much given to the prosaic and not throwing around flights of fantasy or fancy, and a person who only really does her dreaming at night,
apropos nothing, offered up this crumb of madness at the breakfast table this morning:

" You'd think she'd know better than to argue with a woman buying Sage leaf...."

we were all so stunned by this remark, we stopped eating, the radio seemed to go quiet and an unnatural silence descended, even the fish stopped swimming and crowded nearer to the glass to hear better.

Turns out, long story short etc, the assistant in Holland and Barratt Health food shop, attempted to do Mrs R. a favour when she was attempting to pay for some powdered monkey glands, dehydrated scrotum of a saint, Yak hoof discharge or whatever the hell it is.

Big mistake right there, Mrs R knows what she wants and why she wants it, don't try and foist other goods on her, it isn't wise. At all, but for god's sake, if you do, make sure you are not at all vague about what it is or why it benefits her.....apart from me, she don't suffer no fools ( and I'm just about hanging in there)

"do you want to buy a magazine with that madam " (oh god, poor girl, we think)

"no thank you"

" it's a special promotion" (leave it, leave it now we cry soundlessly)

" just these, thank you"

"but if you buy the magazine, you get to buy these half price (not clear, you've not made yourself clear, tin hat time, we think)

"what do you mean, why are they half price only if I buy the magazine, that's just a foolish idea, what's the point of that......" (danger, danger, ring the sirens )

from a distance of 24 hours and a good few miles, we are willing the story to end there, for the ground to open and eat the assistant up before Mrs R. winds herself up and comes in full pelt, off her long run, to use cricket parlance...

even the fish know what's coming and have scarpered to hide behind the bubble blowing diver to await the oncoming tsunami....

and, I shall leave it there.

I shall spare you the gory details, the summoning of the manager and the security, the sectioning and eventual breakdown of the shop assistant and the post traumatic stress suffered by the elderly man behind Mrs R in the queue who found himself agreeing wholeheartedly with the woman in front of him and exchanging his original purchase of multivitamins for a strong herbal sedative to get him back home in one piece....

I don't know what sage leaf does, but I'm recommending an increase in dosage straightaway.

night all



ozzy