Intrigue Overcomes Perceived Sacrilege

My 'to-read' shelf is already straining...

First off, many many thanks to everyone who commented on my 365 yesterday - I will get round to thanking you all personally on your own blipfeed thingies. A lot of the comments made me very happy indeed.

However, in order to satisfy the ranting cravings of some, there follows an imagined conversation after I was asked in the office today for my thoughts on the card design that will carry our "Season's Greetings" message this year.

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"Season's Greetings!"

"You celebrate the season? Oh, is this a celebration of winter?"

"What?"

"You said 'season's greetings'. And I too would like to wish you a most safe and prosperous winter time."

"Oh, no, sorry. It's not really a season season, if you see what I mean. It's the festive season."

"Ah, I see, I apologise for my lack of understanding. And what is it that you are celebrating?"

"Er..."

"It's just that, a season of being 'festive' must have a point surely? What is there to be festive about?"

"Well, it's, erm, Christmas?"

"Oh! Well why didn't you say so? Should you not say 'Merry Christmas'?"

"Well would you not find that a little.... Well.... Offensive? Being a Muslim and all?"

"Why on earth would I find it offensive? Would you find it offensive if I were to celebrate Eid ul-Fitr?"

"What's Eid ul-Fitr?"

"Ah now that I do find offensive."

"Oh... Sorry."

"Don't worry, I am only joking. But do you find Diwali offensive to you? Or Hannukah?"

"Well of course not."

"So why should I find the idea of Christmas offensive? And anyway, you once told me you were an atheist, so for you the Christian connotations of the Christmas holiday are no present anyway."

"Yes, but that's not really the point..."

"... said the man to the assassin who was trying to stab him with the hilt of his knife... But it is the point dear friend. If 'Merry Christmas' is offensive then I see no difference with 'Season's Greetings' as it is only said at this time of year, and so is intrinsically linked to Christmas time, though I realise it is a slight Americanism with links also to Thanksgiving. As such we all know what you actually mean by 'Season's Greetings'. It is like calling a bald man follicly challenged; or a fat man gravitationally enhanced; or an Aberdonian ovine savourer. It does nothing to deflect attention, and instead makes it all the clearer that you are trying desperately not to be offensive, but in so doing make the hearer believe that what you are saying might actually be offensive."

"Are you saying that when I said 'Seasons' Greetings', and you queried the meaning, that you knew all along what I meant and therefore this entire conversation has been manipulated in order to make some random point about the fact that 'other people', no matter who they may be, take offence on behalf of other people despite those people they are ostensibly trying to protect not actually caring one iota, not having considered there to be any offence at all until there was an attempt to cover up the offence?"

"Yes."

"So you will not be offended if I say 'Merry Christmas'?"

"Yes I will."

"But you just said..."

"Yes, but it's only fecking November 10th and it's enough that the shops all have their Christmas CDs playing and the television is plastered with Christmas adverts, without pillocks like you wishing me Season's Greetings before December has even dawned."

"Oh..."

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It's not 'political correctness gone mad' (how I absolutely loathe that phrase), but rather 'common sense gone missing'.

Tomorrow, 'rip-off Britain' and why the people who perpetrate this phrase should be forced to drink beer in Scandinavia and seek medical attention in the US....