Hillend

This is the only reason I'm not at Sochi, notching up gold medals for Team GB. It's where generations of Edinburgh youngsters have been forced to learn to ski. They call it a 'Snowsports Centre', but for 360 days a year, it lacks the vital ingredient. Snow.

Instead, it boasts the longest artificial snow slope in Europe - jaggy plastic mats that leave you with terrible carpet burns. And I had to endure it all while wearing my dad's long johns on back-to-front, instead of the fancy salopettes all my pals were wearing. That's a photo that will never be blipped.

Music