Day 83

Morning: d-3, a-4

I slept till I really had to get up and then panicked I was going to be very late for my 'welcome' lunch at the vicarage. Thankfully, I realised that being stressed was not worth it so managed to calm down. Turned out I was one of the first to arrive anyway!

Afternoon: d-3, a-4

Lots of talking to people I didn't really know. I found that quite challenging and felt quite on edge and like I was not doing 'well enough' with anyone. It made me feel rather overwhelmed and flustered at times. On the plus side though, I got lots of cuddles with babies! Yay! I became very tired and low by the end, feeling quite alone despite lots of people being around me. I realised it was probably that I hadn't drunk enough and felt guilty about that.

Evening: d-3, a-6

It dawned on me (with a pang of despair) that the week ahead is probably going to be hard again. I didn't dwell on that though as by now I was in church and the sermon distracted me. I didn't completely pay attention but I think the general message was that God doesn't say 'D-O', but 'D-O-N-E' - we don't have to do anything. We are free from guilt and burdens. However, when we put our trust in Jesus, we start to want to do more good things.

Talking to people afterwards was again quite tiring and I felt unsettled by it all, but it was alright.

Once I got home, I was feeling very stressed by the area between my bed and the wall where many a tissue has fallen. I decided to actually do something about it and this got me into slightly obsessive territory. I may have once again overused antibacterial spray... I changed my clothes three times and washed my hands every few minutes. I did manage to be a bit more lax about certain things that could have stressed me. I thought about what other people would say and what can be so bad in my room that I think touching something that touched something that touched something could be so bad? It was not much fun but at least I did do some useful things. I finally dared to put my new blanket (see photo!) on my bed (I have been scared of contaminating it thus far).