Patches.

Open letter to LooseCanon
Dear Mr Canon, the jeans you left with me for repair some weeks ago are now ready for collection.
This follows the alarming incident recorded in this journal on 4th January.
In order to avoid further embarrassing occurrences of this nature I suggest the following steps should be taken:
1 Eat fewer pies.
2 If, as you state , this damage was ' not your fault' and was the result of catastrophic textile failure, carry out due diligence /risk assessments on any future jean purchases. When trying on the garments in John Lewis' changing room, don't be afraid to bend, stretch, throw a few shapes , try out plumbing positions, anything in fact which replicates the sorts of strains to which the trousers might be subject in everyday use.
If they pass these tests, remove the garment and try some twisting and ripping type manoeuvres to fully prove wearability.
I'm sure Mr Lewis will not mind if you end up with a heap of ruined denim, and will in fact be grateful to you for discovering these manufacturing defects at an early stage.
3 Buy a bigger size.
Good luck with your next pair of jeans.
Much love from Technophobe.
P. S. on this occasion there will be no charge. Just keep the morning coffees coming.