Mud Puddles

I like how the puddle wrapped around my gumboots in this picture.

I decided to take Ruby on a long walking trail this morning, something I don't normally do after a nightshift. It feels nearly impossible to drag myself out there in the morning, but as soon as I'm there the cold air and watching Ruby whizz around gives me a second wind.

I was taking a nap before my nightshift last night and I overcome with the terrifying and inescapable thought that I will die, or more accurately that I will no longer exist in an indeterminate amount of time. Normally the thought of death doesn't scare me at all, I think of it as a rest or a relief. Yesterday the idea made me panicked. I couldn't sleep, my heart was racing. I couldn't stop thinking about all the things I wanted to do. It made me feel like I'm not living as fearlessly and as well as I should. It made me feel like I need to set some new goals and live harder and better and do everything like I have nothing to lose. Let myself be more vulnerable with people. Have more great adventures. Watch less TV! Go out of my way to be kind to people. Challenge myself intellectually and professionally.

Then I went to work and I felt very tired and that drive mellowed a bit:)

The wheels are turning though and I have all kinds of exciting ideas forming for the future. I love how I feel in the spring when everything feels new and possible.