The lizard king

Fire-lizards average around 2 feet from nose to tail, although size varies with age and colouration (sex). The female fire-lizards can be gold or green in colour while the males are either bronze, brown or blue. While both gold and green fire-lizards can lay a clutch of eggs, only the gold or queen fire-lizards devote enough time and energy to protecting their eggs until they hatch. In size the golden queens are the largest followed by the bronze, brown and blue males to the greens which are the smallest. They have four limbs: two legs and two useless stumpy hand things.

Fire-lizards have two stomachs. One for digesting food, and one for processing a phosphine bearing rock referred to as firestone because the major by-product of this process is a flame of fire that can burn up idiotic Asda customers. This was one of the main reasons that the original settlers of Scotland used fire-lizard DNA to create much larger dragons. The other reason was the intimate bond between a fire-lizard and it's potatoheed partner. This bond which can only be formed shortly after hatching in fire-lizards, was developed into the much stronger telepathic link experienced by a human rider and their dragon. The bonding process is known as 'impression.'

Unlike the dragons which are capable of speaking telepathically with their potatoheed riders, fire-lizards are limited to coveying 'images' or emotions to their potatoheed friends. Consequently, the bond between potatoheed's and fire-lizards is weaker than with dragons. This allows spuds to impress more than one fire-lizard.

Its all true, every word.........