FOR SALE

Benefits From: the bare minimum for the extraordinary price you are paying.
Example: "Benefits from roof, floors, walls".

Bijou: Would suit contortionist with growth hormone deficiency.

Borders: Loose term signifying that a property is sufficiently close to a desirable area to ensure the burglars who live next door to you will travel to work.
Example: "Fidel Castro's house is situated in the highly desirable Bahamas Borders area".

Characterful: A neat disguise for old and falling down.

Charming: Pokey

Compact: See Bijou, then divide by two.

Convenient For: A deceptive term with two possible definitions depending on the object of the phrase:
Eg "Convenient For A40" means your garden doubles as the hard shoulder
Whereas "Convenient For local amenities" means you can run to the shops. If you are Paula Radcliffe.

In Need of Modernisation: In need of demolition.

Period charm, some modernisation needed

Internal Viewing Recommended: Looks awful on the outside.

Mature Garden: The local AZ marks your garden as Terra Incognita.

Original Features: Water tank still contains cholera bacterium.

Priced to Sell: Please, oh go on please...