Week 13

This is hard.

Encouraged by my lovely Zumba instructor I've been thinking about things I need to let go off in order to become a better me.
I figured out the One Thing that always gets me: I'm not good enough.

I'm not a good enough sister, daughter, friend, cat-Mom, worker, aunt, godmother, wife, house-keeper, cook - sadly, the list is endless and spirals.
Everything I am is somehow never good enough.
And because I know this I make it so. I try, but I can't live up to what I feel I should be anyway, so I just give up. This makes me seem lazy, but I'm not. It's almost like a defence mechanism; instead of trying harder to be what I think I should be and subsequently failing because my standards are ridiculous and getting increasingly frustrated and depressed and ... and ... I just don't.

Oddly, at the same time I also think I'm kinda funny, and not ugly and a hard worker and my English is okay for a non-native, and many other things - so it's not like I feel I am worthless*.

I'm just not good enough.

So, do I accept myself for who I am and move on or do I try to change myself?


* Therapy took care of that :)