This had better be a quickie.....

I am not amused and am extremely grumpy. They were doing X Factor auditions for the next series and Simon Cowell didn't think much of my Mick Jagger impression.

I was giving it stick strutting across the stage having a good wiggle (as you do) and then I had an unfortunate accident (as you do). There was no need to scream like a girl! That hairstyle is hard to ruin! When you've got to go, you've got to go and I did try to fly out of a window before I dropped my load. Curry sauce does it every time!

Now that skinny bint with the camera has turned up with no bread and I'm expected to smile? Piss off!

Track? My favourite Rolling Stones number - Time Waits For No One