Melancholy through a window

Beautiful warm sun today. Drove down to Dawyk Gardens; spring showing everywhere with daffodils and new lambs everywhere I looked. We even had a picnic on a real picnic blanket outside the entrance to the Gardens.

Inside: trees, boys, tig, pine cone tig and Jake, Jake bounding down the hill in 20 steps. 20 strides, leaps, stretches, and jumps with his long, long skinny legs and his 'puppy dog' huge clown feet. I laughed until I really couldn't breathe.

Yet I was removed, separated and caught by my mood. The terrible black dog is here, sitting on chest so each breath is a struggle. A struggle to push through, to feel. I feel so far away, so slow. I hear the words talking in my head, not me but so much a part of me now I don't know where I end and it begins...those of you who suffer depression will understand.

I have decided to be honest with my Blip diary and will catalogue the good with the bad. It may be helpful when I look back, to see if there is any pattern, rhyme or reason to my depression and to my happy days and even those high, manic days when I love the world & everyone.

Bear with me or not - I am doing this for me :-)