IVF Journey: 29w6d pregnant

This is my IVF diary. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for four years now, and have a diagnosis of 'unexplained infertility'. We have finally reached the top of the waiting list for IVF - a form of assisted conception. I'm blogging about what happens as it happens, as a kind of therapy for me and as an awareness raising exercise of what IVF is all about.

My blood pressure remains too high and is not coming down to a good level even though I'm on loads of drugs. Today I had a lot of protein in my urine. Not a good sign. The preeclampsia is getting worse.

Today's doctor said he felt I'd be giving birth by c-section this weekend.

We had a growth scan to measure the baby and he's a massive boy and as big as an average 32 week baby. Great, in the circumstances. Still not an ideal time to give birth.

The husband and I started to watch a DVD we'd been given about premature birth. I got a chapter in before I broke down in tears.

I feel absolutely awful that I am doing this to my baby, that I can't keep him in long enough, that I am putting him at risk. He's doing really well in there and it is only for me that he has to come out so soon.

I'm scared of how this might turn out.