What's It All About?

I'm totally lost. Life seems more of a mystery to me than ever.

Once again I've been hit by the blues, and I can't seem to shake them. I knew this weekend would be harder, especially as I had nothing planned. I had a really busy and fun weekend last week, and when it's all over, the gloom descends. That and other stuff.

I've tried so hard to be positive. I've put myself out there in the dating world last year, finally realising that without effort, it ain't gonna happen! So you'd think the man upstairs might recognise this effort, particularly when it means going way out of my comfort zone, and I'd catch a break? Wrong. If it's possible I think I actually feel worse than before I started. At least last year I wasn't sad because I had forgotten after several years what I was missing out on. And now I'm lonely. There, I've said it.

I've had some wonderful experiences and memories this year, but nothing that means I'll be moving forward with my life. On the bad days I feel I'm just existing. I'm fed up of spending so much time missing somebody, and wishing I could spend more time with them. I don't know how to move past it, and it's beginning to become all consuming. I am actually going to see somebody about it next week, and I hope with her help I can feel more content and take some steps towards feeling happier.