All "good" things come to an end!

It is difficult to collect my thoughts today to write this "journal" entry. It feels as if someone has combined them with some ice in a cocktail shaker and poured them in a glass with a fancy umbrella then handed it back to me with eager anticipation. My issue is I'm a sculler, I don't slowly sip and savour the disheveled mixture.
Today I feel was bitter sweet. It was an empty victory. I was due to face the woman who through her own selfish desires took to my world with a with a spanner and loosened all the nuts and seemingly enjoyed seeing the whole thing fall to pieces. For her it wasn't enough to loosen just one or two, she wanted to make sure the whole thing was unroadworthy. Well done girl, mission accomplished.
As I sat in the waiting area outside the court room I was anxious, my palms were sweaty, my breathing shallow. Feelings I rarely associate with. I looked around expecting to see her unsure of how it will make me feel when I do. I am seated in this tortured state for 45mins, stomach churning, wondering what point my life as a reasonable human being lead me to this. Finally they open the doors to the court room - still no sign of her.
The order of proceedings ensured I was able to focus less on my watch and more on the misfortunes of others. A lady who smashed up her husbands car after discovering he was cheating, a guy with a bum bag caught with trafficable quantities of three different types of drugs, another who seemingly couldn't help but want to fight everyone she came across. I felt so uncomfortable sitting in a room full of guilty consciences. I was out of place and out of my depth.
Finally my matter was called - it was announced that the victim was present but not the defendant. Victim - the word hang out there almost visible in the air like a label I could just peal off and stick on my chest. The connotations associated with the word didn't sit well with me. I am not helpless, I am not weak, I am not powerless. Or am I? I was unable to prevent the events that lead to this moment. Did I handle this like a man? Could there have been another solution where I wasn't a victim? The magistrate decided to prolong things and provide opportunity for the defendant to arrive (as if an two hours wasn't enough already) by pushing the matter back a further 30mins. So I meekly returned to my seat, the only way my label would allow.
30mins on a hard plastic fold down seat can feel like an eternity although it seemed that they perfectly timed the two matters between to exactly half an hour. The matter was recalled again without the woman who was still causing discomfort for me intended or not. The magistrate presumed her absence as consent to the orders and announced me free from her contact without legal ramifications for the next two years. I felt conflicted. Relief but not satisfaction.
Knowing that I no longer have the think any further about the issue and am free to focus something more positive is an alleviation. Having the ordeal I have been through officially acknowledged and condemned was important to me. I suddenly felt lighter almost like the moment you undo your belt when you get home after work for the day.
Although the outcome was as desired I can't help but feel unsatisfied. I strangely wanted her to be there. I wanted watch her stand in front of the courtroom and feel part of the embarrassment that I have as a result of her actions. To hear her make her pathetic excuses to the magistrate trying to mitigate the penalty. To have her told that she was wrong and out of line. I know she will pay her dues because having this indiscretion on her file will make things very difficult in her line of employment.
Although it may sound that way I don't hate her. For some reason I can't find it in me to muster the required anger to equal her actions. I can't help but think things happen for a reason. Is her role in my life now fulfilled? Is her part in this setting me back on the path meant for me by destroying everything I had? Even though it probably would make no difference in her borderline psychopathic mind I would like to look her in the eyes and say "look what you have done to me", to explain exactly the consequences of her actions, relay to her the pain I have been through and am going through because of her, my one time confidante.