Compassion

Another one folks : smells wonderful. These bright sunny mornings, first move of the day: I'm into the garden in dressing gown with camera.
Taking the camera is new, but I've done this for years : opening the greenhouse and watering things.
Does anyone else do this??. I find it utterly irresistable : the smells, bird song, today: wetness. I guess we must have had rain in the night.
So dear blippers bear with this quirk.

I'm very conscious of how the past 6 mnths trauma has left me with a good dose of PTSD : hyper- vigilant, no short term memory, reactive. I'm going to see if NHS can help. It's only recently that a recognition of the Psychological affects of Physical trauma has started filtering into the medical profession.
So how am I handling this ?, you may well ask. In the interest of transparency I decided to say more.
I've had bouts of it for years : a response to childhood trauma. I spent many years in a Jungian analysis, initially 4 times a week, then over the years as dependency decreased it was decreased. It enabled me to work very hard, support others, buy this house. You might say : parts of me became more adult. Trauma often throws us back into old survival mechanisms, so this is what my Psyche is up to now.
I'm now trying to draw on many old learned skills : listening to dreams, pacing myself carefully, being kind and self soothing, so the panicing bits can start to feel safe again. Being very Mindfull ( what an over used word ) of breathe, body alignment, diet, caffeine intake. Phew, what a lot. Mustn't expect too much of myself.
So last night I did sleep better, my guts less protesting and painful. I ate this mornings very plain porridge without feeling nauseated. Cooked a delicious pot of food
I've managed to keep my mind steady before going to look at these flats.
I'm almost flying again dears.