The Last Story of May

The things that we study and the things that we pay attention to will became reality.


We are building our identity again and again all the time. Our identity is made from our life story. Identity is not solid, but we are constantly making it whole and updated while living our life. And here is an important fact: There are a lot of things happened to you in a your life that you can't change. But the way you interpret the things that has happened to you determines the way they affect you in your life.

Narrativity is something many of us don't think a lot of - it is quite something if everybody even knows what it means. Everybody who want can check it online. I am talking about narrativity in our own life, when building our identity. A personal narrative process is involved in a person's sense of personal or cultural identity, and in the creation and construction of memories; it is thought by some to be the fundamental nature of the self. There are a lot of stories that we people tell about our life - sometimes the story is different depending on who we are talking to. Also there are always many stories one on the top of others, there is never only one story. There is usually one dominant story but it is encircled by many similar ones.

We usually tend to pick up memories into our dominant story that support the acute life situation. Sometimes we can get soaked into a new story of our life that we hadn't even planned to make - this can happen for example when life is tough, and we are seeing everything in a negative light for a while. The negative way of seeing life and feeling about it can become a ruling way of living your life. It becomes our trouble story.

How we see life and build our identity on our lives many stories is depending hugely on what other people are telling about us. Once there was a mother who had a teenaged boy. The boy had problems with coping in life and the mother was worried for her sons sake. The mother was also tired and wasn't happy at all that the son made also her life difficult. She was worried and tired, and talked much of her son to her friends and co-workers. After hearing of narrativity and its affects on people she panicked and asked from her co-worker, when was the last time she had heard the mother talking nice and positive things about her son. The co-worker said that she can't remember when it could have happened. After this event the mother has said no negative or criticizing word about her son; neither to the son himself nor to anybody else - and it wasn't such a long time after this the life of her son started to go on a better track.

So it is very very important to pay attention to the way we talk of OTHER people. We can have a huge effect on someone close to us if we always have something negative to say to him/her. A little girl with ADHD is a totally normal little girl, only with a different brain activity - still we grown-ups and other children can damage this girls growth of identity with tiny signs. The teachers keep on telling the parents how difficult the day was and on what tasks the girl had struggled with. The parents keep on telling to whole family and friends about the problems the girl is having. Other children can easily be mean inadvertently and make fun of the things that are hard for this little girl, for example concentrating or social skills. So, this little girl will hear this negative talk all her life - what do you think happens to her identity and its growth?

Yes, we have problems in our life and the negative things are a part of our life story, BUT they don't have to be a part of our identity and our own story. Outsourcing is something really important when it comes to coping with our problems. Instead of asking the little girl "Why are you so restless??" we should ask her "What does the restlessness do to you, how does it affect you?". The little girl isn't ADHD - she HAS ADHD, and it has nothing to do with how good or bad the little girl is. She IS not restless - she HAS some restlessness in her.

We can also concentrate on defining things again: I know a guy who is really lazy and inefficient. BUT instead of using those words of him I could say: I know a guy who is really calm, considerate and relaxed. In the second phrase I am saying exactly the same thing as in the first one, BUT in a POSITIVE way. Remember! Gossiping is okay, but only if its positive gossiping!

In this photo I am obviously writing down some new story lines of a story I have been writing with a person I know. We cannot ignore the fact how big an effect we have on other people and their life stories! If you are living with a person who is constantly telling you what you SHOULDN'T do or what you are doing wrong, please take a long peaceful moment and think about your own life story - who has written it for the last few years. Has it been you or someone else? Especially those who have kids: pay a attention to how you are speaking to them! Is a totally different thing to say to a child: "Don't run on the hallway!" than saying "You may walk on the hallway." or "You have the permission to walk on the hallway". Think about it.

There is a life story in which there is one process living and affecting two people: Once there was a process going on in a human head. It was needed and had to go to its end. It took a while. En route the process affected also other human beings and transferred some parts of it to these other human heads. Before the process was ready to stop it accomplished to get another process started at a good speed, and so the already done process got a very similar process going on next to it. It didn't take long when the first process was going on again - it had had a pause, but the poor human head hadn't had the chance to start building a new life story without a process because of the new process next to it. So now there was two processes going on, and when the second one got to its end, the layout was the same as in the beginning.

I could end the story like that - it would be a sad story, a tragedy. Everybody could cry and tell to each others: "Maybe it is for the best that this is over, all though the end was a sad one. It was too toxic, and the harmful process would only get on living and changing its owner till they all would die sad an miserable…" BUT I won't end it here. In my way of thinking there is now a process that has been at this owner two times. It has had one other owner too, but in a positive way this other owner has been able to see the process going on all the time, from the first beginning. It is already familiar and well-known to this other person. This person has had the time to without any own processing watch the big process going on and marvel it. So, now there is one person having this process going on in the head, and another person already immune to the process. The first person has tools to handle the process inside the head, but after many years of processing the mind is exhausted and the process more or less a part of the identity, though it shouldn't be. But there is and will be more of progress going on with the process. And a strong faith and support from others. So… The situation could be better but it is still something! The situation has developed from the beginning and new life stories has been told. The path was rough but it taught a lot - it is often the most hard and unpleasant things that teaches us the most.

So there are many ways of living this life, and it looks like that the most happy lives are lived with a strong and positive attitude! The ones who can tell positive stories about themselves and the other people usually end up living a full and happy life. We have only one life - why shouldn't we try to make it the best one!???



A nice link and life advice:
http://www.lifebuzz.com/just-stop/#!ShrwI