Day 173

I spent the morning babysitting Lydia. I was pretty tired but enjoyed some of it. She showed me quite a lot of love. I must remember though not to try to place my identity in her but in Jesus.

I had a spontaneous afternoon with Helen doing maths problems for her work. I was tired but did wonder whether it made me capable of working. I got more nervous about this and whether I was coping too well in general.

Why am I longing for pain??

Bit nervous about my earlyish blood test/GP appoinment tomorrow.

I have been feeling very fat. Also, have had so many reminders of Lucy these last few days :(