Kitchen

My glistening helmet.

Meant to say; Thursday night I put out my most recent fag. I've been tempted since, but I promised the kids I'd give up when I got back from LA. They promised me they'd never start. I reckon that's a pretty fair deal.

One of the ways I convince myself that smoking isn't really a problem for me is that I don't smoke that much, I'll perhaps have 2 or 3 a day and a rake of them when drinking. This is the power of denial at its finest.

Now, I've never had bother about the addiction side either, addiction is not something that bothers me, personally. But, recently, it has actually bothered me. Not badly, more an irritation.

I'm pretty bored of it all, I've specifically not been topping up my booze array so I don't just get jaked on a whim.

Thing is, sobriety is boring as fuck. There's aways that wee itch, tapping you on the shoulder cheekily saying "This is pish, lets get fucked up!".

I like that wee itch, I have lots of fun with that wee itch. But, I'm tired.

An extremely annoying side effect of not smoking seems to be that now my cardiovascular system is recovering, I've been having problems sleeping. Some folk might say this is a good sign. I say "Fuck off Recovery, it's not dancing time!".

As I was tidying up on Monday, I found a box of fags, half full.

I didn't smoke one (or any amount!). That was a pretty hardcore random test; no kids, free fags, empty house, who would know?

Well, I would. And, when I thought about it, I mean really thought about it, I didn't even really want to smoke one anyway. That was a weird thought & sensation.

I expect parties will be hardest, when one is drunk and ones defences are down and ones Fuck It valve is ready and primed.

I'll just have to take each day/party as it comes.