Twisterland...

Meine Damen und Herren.....

Here is the first (or perhaps second) bulletin from the country that gave us Wilhelm Tell.

(For the slack-jaws and knuckle-walkers at the back of the class, he's yer man with the bow and arrow, with the kid, and the apple on his head. Sit down, DaveH, thats Newton you're thinking of. (Birdbrain.)

These cuckoo clocks have me driven quite mad, they're all an hour fast, and they're all shaggin multilingual...

"Cuck You! Cook You! Chook Too! You're fuckin late for the meeting!

So I dont know if I'm coming or going....

So, ich möchte euch gerne jemanden vorstellen...Sabine,
my hostess here in the Wonka/Slugworth Neutral Zone.
(Pay attention, Raheny-Oeil, it's a Willy Wonka reference, you chocolat dribbling scribbling artiste du pisse.

Go h'alainn, nach bhfuil si?
Bhfuel, is maith liom si, ar aon nos.....

Annie-hoo....(fract this, the keyboard is all skea-ways....)

Everything is wrong here....
Its cold, but a good kind of cold, not like one gets at that Mean Coast.
"Hebart", seemingly, is pronounced like a sneeze, but means "Great Artist".
An odd race of people, situated in the middle of Europe, their national psyche affected, one supposes, to Constant Exposure to so many different cultures.

No Big Hills here, but lots of pointy white capped mountains, and they still havent finished with Christmas. Lots of Carols, spreading Joyfull tidings, at Zurich Airport.

An EZ Highway to Flawil, and despite the ice and snow, I wasnt Minerva-is at all.
G., but it was good to get here, tho. Glad I wore my ther-Meles, all the same.

Met several MrSmiths on the plane (either sex tourists or secret account depositors), one never can tell....

Arriving in Zurich, I said a little prayer to Sam. I am re-Joycing to be in the same spot where they pitched and putted, and perhaps ate shellfish selfishly

There are NO FUCKING PROPER PUBS HERE!!!!!!!!

Went to the local version at lunchtime...
a few interesting types, but not half pissed enough at all at all...
talked about nothing but the weather and Thai Mail Order Brides until I threw the eye at a couple of them....
(Cue menacing glares all round...)

ME: "Howya lads. Pint of Plain, annywan?"
Ueli: "Wär isch dä Löffel mit dä Kamära und dä rotä Haar?"
ME: "Fair enough, so..."
Hans: "Jetzt hätt er grad gseit, das er dini Frau mit Hei nimmt. Lasch där das öppä gfallä?"
ME: "This beer is shite..."
Ueli: "Ich bring en um und verscharrä sin Körper im Wald!"
ME: "No craic here, so, I'm off out of this kip..."
Ueli: "Hans, hol d'Chettäsaagi...!!"

I know that one is supposed to blip exclusively "as Bearla"..
But I couldnt resist trying a quadri-lingual blip.

Translations by request only, chaps!

Addendum...

I have recieved a request, via WWWonderfulWorld, for a full and frank translation.
I'll do my very best....

"Meine Damen und Herren" "All youse saps not in the Toblerone Zone.."
"DaveH" "Mad For The Birds, He Is..."
"Raheny Oeil" "Mad French Bulimic Hoor"
"ich möchte euch gerne jemanden vorstellen." "I have the tremendous pleasure and privilege of introducing to you.."
" Go halainn" "Not hard on the eyes"


The Dialogue...

ME: "Howya lads. Pint of Plain, annywan?".
Ueli: " Whos the gobshite with the camera and the red hair?"
Me: "Fair enough, so..."
Hans: "He is saying that he will take your wife home tonight, are you gonna take that shit?"
ME: "This beer is shite..."
Ueli: " Im going to kill him and put him in a shallow grave in the forest!"
ME: "No craic here, so, I'm off out of this kip..."
Ueli: " Hans, get the chainsaw......"


"As Bearla" ....HAHAHAHA,,, thats Irish for "In English"!!!!!!!!

Wish I had a Mait here, to help me out....