Saved by grace

If we just imagine that I had posted everyday, today I would have completed my first six months of blipping! I feel like now is a good time to try to make a conscious effort to retry to include some thought records in my posts. That is what my initial plan had been but I just don't think I have done it very much.

This morning I met up with Andy to discuss my Bible Study which was helpful.

We also talked a bit about Jesus being my Lord as well as my Saviour. I'm saved by grace and it's totally what Jesus has done and not what I do. Good works are a sign that I have actually given my life to Jesus but of course I do keep sinning. But I am forgiven - there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.

I find that I often get caught up on this - worrying I have misunderstood and I am actually not saved. But praise God, I am less bothered by it than I used to be. If the God who created the universe loved me enough to come to the Earth in human form and die (and rise again) so that I might be forgiven, he really isn't going to start making petty and deceptive conditions for salvation.

I took Rhoda to her appointment. I didn't really have the motivation/energy to chat.

I came back home and went to bed. I think I still had an underlying guilt. I tried to close off from the world, shutting my eyes and trying to sleep.

When I decided to face things again (by which I mean my iPad), I did at least remember Jesus is with me and I don't need to be scared. I still am a bit scared. And a bit works-based in my thinking. I AM SAVED BY GRACE, NOT WORKS.

I am scared that I managed to be by myself from 3pm onwards. Why am I scared about that? Because I think it means I am getting better. But it's GOOD to be getting better, Laura. But I just don't seem to be able to believe it. I could go through the pros and cons of getting better but I have done that enough. Instead I am going to remind myself of how I used to regularly spend days by myself when I was more depressed. Sometimes I wasn't especially low, I just didn't want to face people or didn't have the energy/motivation to do anything. Similar to this afternoon/evening in some ways. Spending longer by myself isn't necessarily an indication of getting better.

God is with me. I do not need to fear.