I used to not be able to tell, to say it out.. I thought it would screw things up. So I didn't. Now that I have, things happened. Because I just can't hide my feelings. I can't conceal my emotions well. But I really do not want to write it out anymore. I don't want that space that I wish someone or somehow people would discover and shed one or two tears for me. Well because I don't deserve that attention. I don't deserve that sympathy. I don't deserve, I just don't. Maybe I deserve to be alone. I do not deserve such a good person, such a good man; for I am the worst person ever.

I have a feeling things will never be the same again. I hope I am wrong. I really just wanna work this out. I don't want to feel being in the wrong path my whole life. I want to feel being myself. Can I just walk onto the road right now and let tens of thousands cars run over me. I'll probably feel better that way

Perhaps I should stick to my resolution and grow my hair long