Get the Guy

Rubbing it in for the Spanish barman....

Well, the day started off well....

Unfortunately I/We went to bed very late- I really think it was getting on for 4am! I had plans for today, so I knew I had to get up extra early to allow time to go home and get ready, as I didn't have my stuff with me. Which meant setting the alarm for 6:30am.... and I really just dozed as I was worried about oversleeping!

I was thrilled to discover(!) that it was Saturday morning instead of Sunday, so I suggested we meet tonight again to watch the England game at 11pm, JUST BECAUSE WE COULD! Guy friend said to come about 9:30pm, so was really looking forward to quality couch time and not having to go out. I left at 8am, and rushed home to get ready.

Car completely out of petrol so I had to get my mum to drop me at the station to meet my friend. We made plans weeks ago to see a sort of seminar " Get the Guy" by Matthew Hussey. I figured I had nothing to lose, so took the extra ticket. My friend and I hadn't seen each other for about 6 years, but we have always been good friends- we have known each other since we were 3 and went to nursery school together! We had a good catch up on the train, and then met another of her friends, who was lovely. We bought some food at Pret to take with us to Kensington Town Hall where it was held, and shared a taxi.

The only problem was that it was from 12-6pm :-( And I never go to the cinema as I can't sit still that long for a reason! I managed the first 3 hours, despite nearly falling asleep. In all honesty I don't think he was that good, but I had no choice but to persevere. By 3pm, people were disappearing and then coming back with Nero cups, so I decided to investigate! I took myself off for a wander through Kensington High Street. It was a lovely warm day, and as I got braver walking about by myself, I tackled more shops! I got a coffee at Nero, and had a look in Maximo Dutti. I got hypnotised in Zara Home, and bought a few little things for my house. I was loving the shopping part, but felt I should head back. I managed a bit more, but I was wanting to leave.

The final straw I had expected all day. I recieved a very nice text from him, saying he was too tired to watch the game tonight. My heart started to pound, I got all hot and couldn't think straight. What the hell is wrong with me? It was a mini-panic attack I think. I felt sick and so disappointed. I sat outside watching two little American kids play for a bit as we texted back and forth. They were really sweet, but I felt awful. In the end, when the event over-ran, I cracked, and hailed a cab back to Waterloo, technically abandoning my friends. I felt awful, physically and mentally. I jumped on the first train back and got off at his place. The act of a desperate woman...

We sat and chatted for a bit, which was nice. I would have loved if we could have sat there all evening, but it wasn't to be. We've made quite a few plans, and I'm seeing him in two weekends time, hopefully, pending no disasters. I came home feeling worse than ever, and had a really good cry when I got home.

I am so sad. I don;t know why I put myself through this. The irony of today is that when I went back into the show, it was just in time to see Matthew Hussey bang on about masochism, ie; clinging on to someone no matter how toxic and bad it is for you..... But I'm also cross with myself. I've been taking anti-anxiety meds for 6 weeks, and felt a lot better until today, which tells me I can't cope. Might make an appointment to see if they can up the dose....

I've also heard some lovely things this weekend- the taxi man couldn't believe I was old enough to be a teacher, the lady welcoming us to the event thought I was too young to go to it, and another said they couldn't believe I'm still single, that I'm stunning.

It's a mystery all right....