Forgiveness

I read an article today where a woman who had been abused was challenging the church's open invitation to communion, and saying that she would not want to "sit at the communion table with her abuser". In some ways, fair enough. Having not been abused myself, I can only imagine how horrible it would be to even hear the person's name, or see their face; let alone sit at a table with them.

But the article, and especially the comments, were abundant with unforgiveness. It made me despair for our misunderstanding of what forgiveness is.

Many people were claiming that churches were trying to force them to forgive their abusers in order to stop the abused from making a scene, from making other people uncomfortable. They resented the fact that people told them to forgive and forget.

The churches have it wrong here. Forgiveness should not be to stop people making a scene about being abused. We must make a scene about abuse, especially within the church, because it should not be tolerated. Church is not about making everyone comfortable by ignoring their problems, rather it should be the opposite; a church family grows and learns together, challenges each other, and walks through each other's problems together.

But those who refuse to forgive are also in the wrong. When Jesus teaches us to pray, he says "forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us". How can we expect God to forgive us, if we refuse to forgive those who have wronged us? They may not deserve it, but that's not what forgiveness is about. Like Jesus, we are to show grace; giving someone something they do not deserve. Refusing to forgive means we hold on to bitterness, we hold on to the abuse we suffered, and cause more damage to ourselves emotionally and spiritually. In forgiveness we have freedom from what has been done to us. And when we forgive, we can still make a scene about it; it doesn't mean we don't pursue justice, but it means we can pursue justice in freedom.

I have a friend who was abused and, in God's strength, was able to forgive her abuser. She walks with her head held high, with a huge smile on her face, because she is free.