Saturday on the top

The top of the hat

Saturday is the top of the week, but I can´t go out and have fun.
1. I am too sick.
2. The world is too much for me to see myself in, as a person. I can´t anymore. Can´t handle the good things, except of photo and writing and dolls. Not the whole everything. It is so much noise, light, sun... all that people ask for.

I try to ask myself, have could this happen? Be happy, I say. And I smile. I love to smile cause then you just don´t know. Or I hit and you don´t ask anymore. And it does not matter anymore. Very small things matter. It is the small things, that can get me out of control. And in to myself.

I pretended happy and healthy so long, for what? To get so sick that I can´t anymore. Almost nothing at all. So, we cut the top of the hat of in this photoshoot, and I give the bear my hand instead. Cause, I think I need him today. Does he need me to? Maybe not, but I will whisper: Take my hand and let me go away. It gonna be a long day, I promise, just because I waked up in the middle of the night and have been up since then. And because it is weekend.

Happy sunday, it is tomorrow, it is tomorrow, the day after today. Let it rain! I love love love the rain! I like the rainbows too, but most clouds and fog around it. Without, it is not a real rainbow. A real rainbow need some grey.