So Many Different Lengths of Time

Teleri (Chaiselongue) died a year ago today.
I miss her but our lives move on. This does not mean she is forgotten, she never will be. But “Teleri would always choose life and happiness over dwelling in the past” …
I’m spending today with my family – we grew up with Teleri’s family. We’ll remember the good times to allow us to continue to move forward.

How long is a woman’s life finally?
Is it a thousand days, or only one?
One week, or a few centuries?
How long does a woman’s death last?
And what do we mean when we say, ‘gone forever’?

Adrift in such preoccupations, we seek clarification.
We can go to the philosophers,
but they will grow tired of our questions.
We can go to the priests and the rabbis
but they might be too busy with administrations.

So, how long does a woman live, finally?
And how much does she live while she lives?
We fret, and ask so many questions –
then when it comes to us
the answer is so simple.

A woman lives for as long as we carry her inside us,
for as long as we carry the harvest of her dreams,
for as long as we ourselves live,
holding memories in common, a woman lives.

Her lover will carry her woman’s scent, her touch;
Her children will carry the weight of her love.
One friend will carry her arguments,
another will hum her favourite tunes,
another will share her terrors.

And the days will pass with baffled faces,
then the weeks, then the months,
then there will be a day when no question is asked,
and the knots of grief will loosen in the stomach,
and the puffed faces will calm.
And on that day she will not have ceased,
but will have ceased to be separated by death.
How long does a woman live, finally?

A woman lives so many different lengths of time.

by Brian Patten (a man and a Liverpool Poet)
adapted by me (a Liverpudlian feminist) for Teleri.

for baby C ... I bought Otis Blue for Teleri in 1969, a couple of years ago she said it was still her favourite album – I could have chosen any track but I picked my favourite.

To R, C, E, S and C, with all our love.
Here’s to a wonderful future.